Today I'm grateful for forgiveness
I read a friend of mine's Facebook status of the day today and thought, "that is a good one. I think I will use that too." It was on forgiveness. And as I was trying to relax and soak in the tub I started talking to the Lord about forgiveness and alas out came this blog. I had to rush out of the tub to write because it was coming out and I was concerned I would forget it or miss something good that God was giving me. Funny right?
I started thinking about the time I truly felt forgiveness. Now anytime I ask God to forgive me of something stupid I've done I know He has because I've asked. Several years ago, in fact, I was 24 at the time. I had recently given birth to a boy and given him up for adoption. I was pretty much raised in church and knew that having sex outside of marriage was sin but even more so to have had a child out of wedlock was bad. I had already repented before the Lord and God really saw me through the adoption more than I had ever dreamed possible. I was at Evangel Assembly in Orlando. I will tell you that I didn't go to church much when I was pregnant mainly because I knew I would get "the look". And everyone knows the "look". Pregnant, not married, etc etc. So I didn't bother. I'm not saying it was right behavior I'm telling you that was where I was. So I'm in church and God is dealing with me. Not condemning me but dealing with me. Have you ever head the expression when much is given much is required? Okay well I knew that God was telling me to go forward and ask the church for forgiveness. Not that I needed their forgiveness - and I knew God wasn't trying to shame me or anything like that. But I knew was He was saying. Not a audible way but a knowing that I can't explain. Now I'm gripping the chair in front of me - stubborn that I am and praying I'm not hearing what He is telling me. Pastor Chris Maxwell - who is now the Campus Pastor at Emmanuel called me out. He may not even remember this as he had a fight with Encephalitis that he won, but did lose some of his memory. A miracle really that he didn't lose his life, but God had more for him to do. So anyway, Pastor Chris is apologizing and asking me not to be mad at him, and saying that God was telling him that I needed to come up. But I knew that I was suppose to come forward I was just resisting. So with tears streaming down my face, I went forward in the grace that only God can give. And I asked the church to forgive me for bringing harm to the body of Christ by being a Christian and not living as one.
When all was said and done - I FELT forgiveness. I was light as a feather. I was overtaken with joy and forgiveness flooded me and a freedom I had never known before filled me. You know I believe that every person who truly makes Jesus their Lord and Savior has an encounter like this of some sort. Where the burdens of sin is lifted away. He came to save us from our sins. To free us and make us whole. And that forgiveness is one of the ways I knew what I had done was God's will. Another way I will tell you is that several people spoke to me afterwards about how it ministered to them in one way or another. God doesn't ask you to do things because He's mean. He asks you to do something to bring you a blessing and for you to be a blessing to someone else. That is why it is a testimony. It takes your sin and turns it for good for someone else. Never sit on what God has done for you - you never know who you might minister to from your hurt. God took some older women in the church who took me under their wing and ministered to me. Donna Sites, Katie Bozeman, so many precious women of God - and I might have missed out on that had I not been willing to be so open.
I will also tell you that I didn't live a perfect life after that day. I did get baptized in the Holy Spirit not long after that which set me life on a whole different course.I will also tell you that I sinned against God in a way I said I would NEVER do again. I can look back and think that had I not been abused that I wouldn't have made some of those messed up choices, but you know I'm still accountable for my sin. And God still forgives me when I sin. Excuses or blaming your mistakes on past hurts doesn't free you but owning up to them does. You know you will never be perfect, but you make a mistake, you dust yourself off, repent and move on. I was "damaged" goods for a long time. I look back and wonder how I made it out this far alive. I was crazy. Wounded probably is a better word, and it took a long time for God to heal me from all of the hurts in this life. But here I am - 43 years young, not crazy, and happy. I still have stuff that God and I are working through. It's a day to day overcoming of this LIFE!
I started thinking about the time I truly felt forgiveness. Now anytime I ask God to forgive me of something stupid I've done I know He has because I've asked. Several years ago, in fact, I was 24 at the time. I had recently given birth to a boy and given him up for adoption. I was pretty much raised in church and knew that having sex outside of marriage was sin but even more so to have had a child out of wedlock was bad. I had already repented before the Lord and God really saw me through the adoption more than I had ever dreamed possible. I was at Evangel Assembly in Orlando. I will tell you that I didn't go to church much when I was pregnant mainly because I knew I would get "the look". And everyone knows the "look". Pregnant, not married, etc etc. So I didn't bother. I'm not saying it was right behavior I'm telling you that was where I was. So I'm in church and God is dealing with me. Not condemning me but dealing with me. Have you ever head the expression when much is given much is required? Okay well I knew that God was telling me to go forward and ask the church for forgiveness. Not that I needed their forgiveness - and I knew God wasn't trying to shame me or anything like that. But I knew was He was saying. Not a audible way but a knowing that I can't explain. Now I'm gripping the chair in front of me - stubborn that I am and praying I'm not hearing what He is telling me. Pastor Chris Maxwell - who is now the Campus Pastor at Emmanuel called me out. He may not even remember this as he had a fight with Encephalitis that he won, but did lose some of his memory. A miracle really that he didn't lose his life, but God had more for him to do. So anyway, Pastor Chris is apologizing and asking me not to be mad at him, and saying that God was telling him that I needed to come up. But I knew that I was suppose to come forward I was just resisting. So with tears streaming down my face, I went forward in the grace that only God can give. And I asked the church to forgive me for bringing harm to the body of Christ by being a Christian and not living as one.
When all was said and done - I FELT forgiveness. I was light as a feather. I was overtaken with joy and forgiveness flooded me and a freedom I had never known before filled me. You know I believe that every person who truly makes Jesus their Lord and Savior has an encounter like this of some sort. Where the burdens of sin is lifted away. He came to save us from our sins. To free us and make us whole. And that forgiveness is one of the ways I knew what I had done was God's will. Another way I will tell you is that several people spoke to me afterwards about how it ministered to them in one way or another. God doesn't ask you to do things because He's mean. He asks you to do something to bring you a blessing and for you to be a blessing to someone else. That is why it is a testimony. It takes your sin and turns it for good for someone else. Never sit on what God has done for you - you never know who you might minister to from your hurt. God took some older women in the church who took me under their wing and ministered to me. Donna Sites, Katie Bozeman, so many precious women of God - and I might have missed out on that had I not been willing to be so open.
I will also tell you that I didn't live a perfect life after that day. I did get baptized in the Holy Spirit not long after that which set me life on a whole different course.I will also tell you that I sinned against God in a way I said I would NEVER do again. I can look back and think that had I not been abused that I wouldn't have made some of those messed up choices, but you know I'm still accountable for my sin. And God still forgives me when I sin. Excuses or blaming your mistakes on past hurts doesn't free you but owning up to them does. You know you will never be perfect, but you make a mistake, you dust yourself off, repent and move on. I was "damaged" goods for a long time. I look back and wonder how I made it out this far alive. I was crazy. Wounded probably is a better word, and it took a long time for God to heal me from all of the hurts in this life. But here I am - 43 years young, not crazy, and happy. I still have stuff that God and I are working through. It's a day to day overcoming of this LIFE!
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