My mental illness
I was recently asked to speak at a homeless shelter. I'm always excited to have a chance to share the gospel or preach the word. I was a little concerned however, on what I would speak on. Larry and I had a brief moment in life when we were homeless. A house that we were renting went into foreclosure and one day a sheriff was at our door telling us we had to be out in 2 hours. Now, I'm blessed to have a great family and friends that lived in the same town. A good friend let us use his storage - we stayed with family so never without a roof over our heads. So that wasn't entirely the same thing.. Plus some people are homeless because they choose that. They like having no responsibility at all and they choose that way of life. Others are homeless due to job loss, drugs, mental illness, veterans with post traumatic stress disorder etc.
I was in prayer one morning and I was seeking the Lord about this. And I heard the Spirit say, "why don't you speak on your struggles with mental illness." I immediately asked, "What mental illness?" And revelation came to me regarding all of my struggles with regret, defeat, guilt and the list goes on and on. I can look back in my life and see all the places where I let my mental illness win and overcome what the Word says, and overcome what I am called to do, and let myself get stuck! Mayo Clinic refers to mental illness as disorders that affect your mood, thinking and behavior. Trust me when I tell you that my battles have done all of these things. Perfectionism will keep me from doing things because I can't do it perfect. Crazy right?? Pun intended.
How many times do we not do what God tells us to do because of fear? Fear can be an emotional stronghold that will keep you out of the will of God. To walk in faith it takes overcoming fear, regret, doubt and unbelief. I have discussed my battle with fear in other blogs you are welcome to read.
Regret has been one of the sneakier battles I've battled with, and I will tell you that I have to watch for this emotion to not sneak back in. I have to always stay on guard for this and fear. You can know regret is in operation when the sentence in your head begins with, "If only.." For me personally, it was if only I hadn't been sexually abused as a little girl, it just isn't fair, I never had the chance to be innocent. It was stolen too early. If only I had a normal childhood maybe I wouldn't have done this terrible thing, If only my parents hadn't gotten divorced and stayed in church, etc etc Dangerous ground. I would see people who had been raised in church all of their life and never done any real sin and I would think what would my life have been like if I had grown up like that. What would my dating relationships have been like if I had been innocent?? If only I hadn't been raped.. what would my life be like now?
Let me tell you that is a cycle that will bind you to the past. I cannot undo the past, I have daydreamed so many times of changing the past. What a waste of time! Regret is a dream stealer. The more time you spend on the past the more time you lose for today. I read a blog on regret once and he said that I could live without regret if I only did God's will. I literally rolled my eyes and laughed out loud. See that is someone who has NO idea the power of regret. Hello DUH - no kidding. But the reality is everyone does things they regret - words they spoke, actions they did, etc. However you can be free from regret.
One of the ways that works for me, because I told you I battle this one sometimes more than I care to admit, is speaking the word about my future. See, I can't do anything about my past, but there is so much I can do about my future. One of the ways that regret works is it steals hope. It makes you feel like it is hopeless. Proverbs 13:12 says that Hope deferred makes the heart sick. Regret brings depression and can literally make you sick. The bible says that it can restore to me all the years the locust has stolen. It says I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. It also says that my latter years can be better than my former years so I can have hope!
When something I have done in my past shows up, I repent for it just in case I haven't already. I ask Jesus to shine His light on any darkness that might still be there hidden in my mind. And then I ask Him to wash that memory away because He no longer sees it so I don't need to either. Another good thing to ask is for Him to show you if you need to learn anything else from that experience. There is a lesson to learn in our mistakes. We can always learn from our mistakes. Some times there is a cycle that you find yourself repeating and once Jesus brings truth to that are of your life you can break that cycle and be free.
Sometimes if there is a struggle with regret that I am having trouble moving past I will go to someone I trust and have them pray for me. It is vital that you have people in your life that you can be 100% honest with that you can share openly and have them pray for you.
One more important thing I might add - forgive yourself! We hold ourselves sometimes to a higher standard than anyone else. Everyone makes mistakes it is part of this life we live. What you do with that mistake will determine the outcome. If you try to hide that mistake and pretend it is not there you will one day trip over that very item. Don't run from it - grab hands with Jesus and face it head on! We were created to be victorious and you don't have to do it alone!
Father, I pray that the words I write will bring life to those who are hurting and struggling. For whom the Son sets free is free indeed. I pray a blessing over every person who reads this blog that truth will be revealed and healing will come. That they will live in victory and overcome the obstacles in this we call life. In Jesus name I pray. AMEN
I was in prayer one morning and I was seeking the Lord about this. And I heard the Spirit say, "why don't you speak on your struggles with mental illness." I immediately asked, "What mental illness?" And revelation came to me regarding all of my struggles with regret, defeat, guilt and the list goes on and on. I can look back in my life and see all the places where I let my mental illness win and overcome what the Word says, and overcome what I am called to do, and let myself get stuck! Mayo Clinic refers to mental illness as disorders that affect your mood, thinking and behavior. Trust me when I tell you that my battles have done all of these things. Perfectionism will keep me from doing things because I can't do it perfect. Crazy right?? Pun intended.
How many times do we not do what God tells us to do because of fear? Fear can be an emotional stronghold that will keep you out of the will of God. To walk in faith it takes overcoming fear, regret, doubt and unbelief. I have discussed my battle with fear in other blogs you are welcome to read.
Regret has been one of the sneakier battles I've battled with, and I will tell you that I have to watch for this emotion to not sneak back in. I have to always stay on guard for this and fear. You can know regret is in operation when the sentence in your head begins with, "If only.." For me personally, it was if only I hadn't been sexually abused as a little girl, it just isn't fair, I never had the chance to be innocent. It was stolen too early. If only I had a normal childhood maybe I wouldn't have done this terrible thing, If only my parents hadn't gotten divorced and stayed in church, etc etc Dangerous ground. I would see people who had been raised in church all of their life and never done any real sin and I would think what would my life have been like if I had grown up like that. What would my dating relationships have been like if I had been innocent?? If only I hadn't been raped.. what would my life be like now?
Let me tell you that is a cycle that will bind you to the past. I cannot undo the past, I have daydreamed so many times of changing the past. What a waste of time! Regret is a dream stealer. The more time you spend on the past the more time you lose for today. I read a blog on regret once and he said that I could live without regret if I only did God's will. I literally rolled my eyes and laughed out loud. See that is someone who has NO idea the power of regret. Hello DUH - no kidding. But the reality is everyone does things they regret - words they spoke, actions they did, etc. However you can be free from regret.
One of the ways that works for me, because I told you I battle this one sometimes more than I care to admit, is speaking the word about my future. See, I can't do anything about my past, but there is so much I can do about my future. One of the ways that regret works is it steals hope. It makes you feel like it is hopeless. Proverbs 13:12 says that Hope deferred makes the heart sick. Regret brings depression and can literally make you sick. The bible says that it can restore to me all the years the locust has stolen. It says I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. It also says that my latter years can be better than my former years so I can have hope!
When something I have done in my past shows up, I repent for it just in case I haven't already. I ask Jesus to shine His light on any darkness that might still be there hidden in my mind. And then I ask Him to wash that memory away because He no longer sees it so I don't need to either. Another good thing to ask is for Him to show you if you need to learn anything else from that experience. There is a lesson to learn in our mistakes. We can always learn from our mistakes. Some times there is a cycle that you find yourself repeating and once Jesus brings truth to that are of your life you can break that cycle and be free.
Sometimes if there is a struggle with regret that I am having trouble moving past I will go to someone I trust and have them pray for me. It is vital that you have people in your life that you can be 100% honest with that you can share openly and have them pray for you.
One more important thing I might add - forgive yourself! We hold ourselves sometimes to a higher standard than anyone else. Everyone makes mistakes it is part of this life we live. What you do with that mistake will determine the outcome. If you try to hide that mistake and pretend it is not there you will one day trip over that very item. Don't run from it - grab hands with Jesus and face it head on! We were created to be victorious and you don't have to do it alone!
Father, I pray that the words I write will bring life to those who are hurting and struggling. For whom the Son sets free is free indeed. I pray a blessing over every person who reads this blog that truth will be revealed and healing will come. That they will live in victory and overcome the obstacles in this we call life. In Jesus name I pray. AMEN
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